"Mum", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

This section is enjoyed better with a clean screen inside and out see below for instructions:

Cleaning Your Monitor Screen: Anyone who's has ever owned an aquarium knows that you have to clean the glass on the inside, sooner or later. Some people do it with a brush held to the glass by a magnet on the outside. In that way you can clean the inside glass from the outside by moving the brush up and down the glass. The same goes for the inside of the monitor screen you are watching right now. Up until now there was no such cleaner, but thanks to Microsoft there is. Just Click on the below link and move your curser. The more you move your cursor, the more thoroughly you will clean the inside of your monitor screen. The results are amazing! For the best results do a thorough inside cleaning at least weekly. Click here to clean the inside of your screen: Monitor Screen Cleaner

Old Age:-

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

joke 1
An old deaf man complains of feeling a bit off colour.. so his wife helps him to the doctors where the doctor sits them both down and tries to discuss the old mans symptoms with the old deaf fella.
Of course every question the doctors asks is greeted by the same response from the old man
"what? what did he say?"
eventually the doctor says
"look, we'll do a semen, urine and stool test and see what comes out of that"
the old deaf man says "what? what did he say?"
the wife says "leave the doctor your underwear dear"


joke 2
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

The following series of images is called:- "You named it what???!!!"

About Harley Davidsons...

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours"

Harley riders and Hospitals
Harley riders wife is in a coma in the hospital for 5 years... one day the nurse is giving the poor woman a bed bath and notices that everytime she washes around the coma vitims crotch the brain monitor goes off the chart... so she has an idea and calls the coma ladies Harley riding husband down to the hospital.
When Harley dude arrives the nurse explains about the brain monitor activity and suggests that possibly just possibly if the husband gives his wife some oral sex she may snap out of the coma.. so dutifully like a loving husband he pulls the curtain around and gets on with the task.. five minutes later he comes running out from behind the curtain shouting for help "my wifes gone blue".. "code blue" screams the nurse.. in rush the cardiac team with defibrolator humming and give the poor old girl a jump start.. she regains a heartbeat and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.. "what on earth happened" asked the nurse.. hubby says "dont know.. but i think she may have choked".

Alternative vid for American Idiot- very funny!	Rude Merc photo'd by Andy Earl

Star Wars fun videos

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